Embracing Foster Care

It is Foster Care Month again. I will never forget how close we were as a family to it becoming a national movement in South Africa. In 2018 our family photo and story was posted on a few sites and on national television to mark the start of this holiday. I was reeling. I did not want to be a foster mom, I wanted to adopt! I had made this very clear to God in 2014 when I felt Him challenging me to open my home. I know the foster care system all too well and wanted nothing to do with it. 

We were told in 2016 as we got involved with the girls that it was going to be easy to adopt them and that there was no chance of reunification. In retrospect this should have been the case with all they had been through, but the system is not set up to really serve the child. The girls have been in our care since the end of 2016.The family of the girls have faithfully showed up at court, but sadly have been unable to satisfy the courts of their ability to have their girls home and in 2021 the court signed the girls over to us till 18 and with a recommendation to try and build relationship with the girls' family. Luhlumo felt ready for it, but not Emihle. 

We felt that it was going to be in the girls' best interest in a system not geared to help their parents, that we should start building a bridge slowly. Getting to make yesterday happen was not easy, but it happened and the timing was perfect. After waiting for months for DSD to set it up, we chose to meet the parents in a mutual space and start building this connection. Both girls felt ready and indicated an openness, a lot of therapy has brought them to this space and of course a pending trip to Europe and the need for the parents' help with passports, helped. 

My own hard journey of shifting towards understanding foster care and surrendering my dream to adopt, I have come to peace that we can try together with the parents to figure our how to do this, in the best interest of the girls. Yesterday was a happy reunion for me too and it feels like there is a lot of hope for the future in all of this. 

How are the girls? They enjoyed it and I think they were both finally ready for it, but of course there is a lot of concern in their heads about this all. I explained to them as I do to my own heart, that we only need to do this one day at a time.

Committing to parenting together.

The aunties, uncle and cousins

Aunties thanking me for reaching out