Silver Linings

 

This morning I sat and looked at photos of our first five Easters together with the younger four as we celebrate the sixth with all our children this year. 

I have experienced so many emotions in the last week. A week ago, today we celebrated the 2020 wedding of Moriah-Jane and Jonas with our immediate family and their friends. It was such a special night as I watched all my children celebrate together. We waited through the heartbreak of covid for this moment and it was perfect.     

The week that followed was not the easiest for me as I saw Holger head to the mountains with our three bio kids and a spouse, without me. I chose to stay home with the younger who had school and a very full week of work awaited me. I cannot explain how happy I felt that Jonas got to go to our favourite camping spot and that wonderful new memories would be formed and how sad I was that I could not go.   

However, I loved being mom at home and getting to work when the kids were at school.  I got to do a video of the importance of play and support a visiting Dutch team as they arrived at the airport and were making their way to outreach in Knysna and Jeffery’s Bay. Teacher meetings, Easter bonnets and dress ups were all part of the week.    

Why I used the words, not so easy earlier, is because in this week I have had to accept so much sadness in my heart, even while experiencing joy and delight. The floods and destruction in KZN, the letting go of some of Community Kitchens we have supported because we no longer can afford it, the silence of people I needed to hear from, the reality of our own financial stress and in that not being able to respond to any of the need around us or in the ways we would have liked. Having someone you know who truly loves you and your family tell you that maybe it is time to get a job that pays. Our choices have cost our children. Our reality is a hard one.       

I am grateful for the visit of Moriah and Jonas, his love of fun, sport and for the generosity of the Lüth family!  We had a beautiful celebration last week.  I will be forever grateful for the way they love Moriah-Jane.  I am grateful for the amount of deliberate planning and thought Moriah and Jonas put into their ceremony/celebration that meant everyone of their family members felt seen.  Rohan got to walk her down the "isle" led out by her three youngest siblings.  It was very special; we cannot wait to share the photos with you.

I have never in one week cried so many tears of grief but experienced such deep joy at the same time. I guess this means I am finally wholehearted. 

Thank you to those of you who read this blog and keep us in prayer.  We need friends to get that it is complex!  It is hard, but not all hard and we deeply value your prayers.