Questions!
They have the potential to be powerful or devastating…
Having studied both counselling and coaching at some point,
I learnt quickly that having the answers to everyone’s problem was NOT the end
goal of these helping relationships. The
idea was to ask the powerful question. The
question that leads the person you are helping to greater freedom. Not hard
right?
I am becoming more deliberate about the use of questions
though, ones asked of me and the ones I ask others.
I have had the privilege of being the recipient of some very
powerful questions in my life, that changed the trajectory of the direction I
was going in. This has not always been
helpful or positive though.
I have found myself pondering on which questions guided my
life lately? Which questions should I have
gone ahead with and owned to make my own?
I realised that some questions I tried to answer sent me down a rabbit
trail and wasted a lot of energy and time.
I have found that finding the right question is as important
as finding the right answer!
You see I
have been asked questions that easily became conspirators with the
darkness. Questions that shook the sense
of self and at points put my sense of self at stake. Questions people ask that are laden with judgment.
For the longest time in my life I was dependent on the responses of my milieu,
simply because just beneath the surface some driving lies dictated my way of being. As long as I did not tune into the darkness or
did not find a safe place to look at it and just continued looking to the
outside to give me a sense of self worth and validation it worked, when I could
perform and give people what they wanted.
BUT, when I could not?
When the devastation
of being called terrible things and not being able to perform out of it dictated…
I finally discovered, that I had had a need for ongoing and increasing affirmation and it had nearly killed me.
I finally had to dig into darkness, face the lies, do the work… it
continues!
I am ok now with settling into the reality of who I am…
I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated
and despised by some.
Settling this means I am not so fragile anymore.
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