Define Me

I am ashamed to admit this now, but I went through a season just over two years ago where I had been fighting a feeling of being bored with the current program of Resilient Kids.  I knew it was a good product.  After all Barbara and I had a team of people from Radford University in the States, come and study us, our product and the people we worked with over a two-year period before that, and reported to us that it was a really good thing… (if you are interested in this study… ask!)

Well, I have been reflecting on what shifted in me… 2 years later I have found myself thinking I have just come through the worst two years of my life in some regards and the very best.

Last week Barbara and I got to work with an incredible NGO from Lavender Hill which I mentioned in my last blog.  The week was a big one for me.  I was going to (in my head and with as much control I could muster) keep all spheres of my life running smoothly while I was on training.  I sorted out that my mom stays over to support Holger with the 6 kids, Barbara and I stayed away, so we could focus on training and other things that needed to be done.  I mostly caught up on sleep after the training though…  I keep forgetting how tired I am! It dawned on me how privileged this made me.  The crisis of this privilege I discussed in last weeks blog.  For those of you who follow me on facebook I shared this journey.

What I want to share in this blog is how amazed I am this morning as I look back in shifts in me in the last two years.  I have learnt so much about myself, my marriage, my children, my calling… I feel more defined than ever, but my body is weaker!  The battle that brought me to this place has been very intense.  I was focusing on surviving and keeping all the children stable.  This was a huge feat, it meant therapies and full schedules… sleepless nights and lots of rocking in the rocking chair.  I struggled to get to the “work” of running my organisation(even though I need to credit myself in that I did still do some work 😊) and eventually found myself in deep shame because I had even pulled Barbara into the craziness of keeping our home running… it was impacting her work too!

However, last week I was again aware that I have gained so much through this… a greater understanding of the paradox of life, that both happy and sad can be feelings I feel at the same time.  I have learnt that it is OK to ask for help for me. It is OK to be a wounded healer as long as I am working it out with God each day.  I have learnt at a much deeper level that I am really loved.  I have learnt that community is messy, but staying honest and speaking the truth in love means we all grow stronger together.  There are more lessons, but those ones are relevant for this blog.

Yesterday, I got to spend an hour and a half with 9 world changers who are doing a 3 month leadership summit about an hour away from my house.  They are from 9 nations!  Each of them are leaders of something in their home country.  I was asked to facilitate the conversation in this class about safe spaces in learning.  It was amazing!  I loved sharing my learning that just welled out of me… the last two years helped years of study drip into my gut.  I teach with such conviction and knowing!  Feedback after class confirmed this as something special.

I was asked by the facilitator of this elective to write a bio so he could introduce me to his class…

This is what I wrote in the parking lot of campus yesterday to quickly send to him before I entered the space… I am starting to own it!

“Kay is married and is in her 24^th year of working that beautiful relationship out. She is the mother of 7 children, 3 of which are her biological children and the others she is in the process of adopting.  Kay is the director of Resilient Kids SA a training organisation and has a heart for children living in hard spaces and the adults who share those spaces.

Kay trained as teacher, counselor, pastor and adult learning facilitator.  Most of all she loves to be defined as a daughter of God in passionate pursuit of His Kingdom by binding up the brokenhearted and setting captives free and declaring the year of the Lord’s favour!”

I am happy to confess and shame-free that I am no longer bored!