Watering Hole

I have not blogged in a while.  I am not even sure if any of you noticed, but I think it is time to share my journey since the last blog…

How many of you have battled exhaustion before?  I am not talking about a tiredness that hits at the end of the day… when you get snuggling up very close to your pillow and fall asleep fast and the next morning wake up feeling much better.  I am talking about the exhaustion that just does not lift.  A good night’s sleep even for a whole week does not make you feel better.  Well that kind of exhaustion hit in September last year and it is still lingering… 

I eventually went to see a doctor and was referred for further testing to be diagnosed with burnout and the flare up of an auto immune disease, after my older sister gave me a shock about how she saw me.  What?!  How is this fair?  I need myself to be in top form to do this task I am called to.  I cannot afford to feel so low!

Talking this through with someone outside of my familiar circle about my world helped me get a clearer perspective of it all…

Holger and I signed up for adoption…  we did not sign up to be a foster home!  I know what a foster home is, and I have a lot of respect for people who do this work.  You are real heroes!

However, we wanted to give children a forever home.  Children who had rough starts and we would be family to them through thick and thin.  We felt called to take older children, children who ran the risk of getting lost in the system and they all did have that risk… at least that was the story we were told. Beloved was still a cute little baby when we got involved but in his short 5 months before he got proper care life was very rough for him.  His social worker at the time also felt that he would not find a family and should be in institutional care. We disagreed strongly...

Adoption via the route of foster care has no guarantee that adoption can happen… it is a very difficult walk and you never know until you know and that first “knowing” only comes two years into the process and it is to see if you can start an adoption process.  Up until that point it means you and the children in your care are vulnerable to a system that moves the goal posts all the time.  This was the big shock for our biological family, all 5 of us.

On top of this we were not aware of the medical journey we would embark on last year…(documented in earlier blogs)

The miracles we saw through the year were incredible, tangible and the stories of God’s faithfulness in this all is a beautiful testimony and I am very grateful… I gain great strength as I meditate on how God carried us through.

However, the cost was great too!
I have been advised to slow down and step down and say no more!

I am not stopping everything, but I need to step back on some things…  I want to be well.  I want to have the energy to be a wonderful mom, wife and missionary… all the time.  What was sad for me was that as soon as it seemed the children were home (this took 8 months) my body started to scream…I guess it is working in a survival state most of last year that contributed.

I am stepping back from the staff of Kin Culture this year to focus on being mom to my seven children.  I cannot begin to explain my gratitude that Holger and I did not embark on this journey without this team of incredible people…we are very grateful for Kin Culture. Holger will now join the staff instead.  There are a few other things I am in the process of stepping back from, please keep me in prayer.

I sat doing admin yesterday morning to capture dates off school calendars, clinic cards and other messages and like last year this one will be a busy one.  Having 6 kids in school this year and all ranging from the very beginning to the final two years means I am needed!

I am going to spend time focussing on my home first and then some projects after that with Resilient Kids and Philippi Trust. The continual learning in both these spaces nurtures me.

Please keep Holger and me in your prayers.  Our family is a beautiful little one and I am so thankful for the way we have knitted together. I do not regret going on this journey.  Pray for our children, each of them… especially our new ones that we will navigate the journey we are on with them that they will know through it all they are loved… no matter what happens at the next court dates.  The impact on Jess and Dan is great too!

I have committed to walk one step at a time and make my model Jesus with deliberate intention, just like I have been doing for a few years.  It gives me strength.  I share this all to keep you informed and to stay accountable/

Thank you for your support and prayers and encouragement. I am trusting that we are in a new season.