Hidden Miracles

About a year ago I read a book that strengthened and confirmed what I already believed because of the testimony of my own walk with God since I was a tiny little girl.  The book, Children's Spirituality speaks of attuning and respecting children’s ability to walk with God and hear Him.  It teaches adults to allow children to also have a say on how they experience God.

This introduction is necessary to set the stage for this blog and to lay a foundation for the story about to emerge and the process it took.

Six months ago, a little girl entered our family. I fell in love with her last year when we visited “Beloved” in his safety home before he joined our family. She caught my attention because of her incredible love for him.  She seemed tuned out of the real world and so very far away most of the time, but every now and again this delightful little girl would emerge with an incredible little smile and quirky personality.   I have told the story before of how it happened that Holger and I decided we were supposed to foster her.  I really believed she and her sister (whose story I will share another day) needed a family and not an institution.

I thought that all she would need care for was her teeth and lots of love and therapy for her trauma when she first moved in… but every time we went to the doctor at the beginning of the year we heard that there was something else “wrong” with her.  As this was going on outside the home, inside the home we were learning that the emotional damage on her little life was extreme and we needed to help her feel safe and we were not sure if we would ever be able to do that.  We were questioning if she was autistic, deaf or so traumatised that she would not be able to relate normally.  It was very overwhelming at times.

God spoke clearly to Holger and me that we should trust for a miracle for her.  We started trusting that her ears, eyes, brain, teeth and more would be miraculously healed.  Our faith was strong.  Some of you got an email from us at that time telling you about what we felt God was laying on our hearts for her.

However, the days turned to weeks and then turned to months.  The medical system is overburdened and then even more when a foster child has a lot of other hoops that need to be jumped through before she can get services.  The struggle is a difficult one to get her what she needs quickly.  To give an example we are only allowed to phone in November to set up an appointment in 2018 to see an ophthalmologist... 

The year has been so long and quite frustrating for us, as we wanted to get all her needs met the day we heard about them.   We did not want her to suffer for one minute longer! 

Last week she finally had her op, it was scheduled for Wednesday… the op to have all her baby teeth removed that had been postponed so many times that I was not even sure it would happen until she was in surgery and asleep.  The date had shifted for various reasons (One was that a doctor refused to allow her into surgery because of her medical history, her words… “I refuse to be a cowboy in the operating room!”) Every time was frustrating, as we did our best trying to get the paperwork, keep her healthy, up her iron… etc. and at the same time renewing our hope in God that He was providing a new set of teeth for her.  He is ABLE!

The night before the op, she brought me a picture she had drawn.  I asked her what it was and she told me it was her little sister in a white coffin.  She had done and said a few things in the days leading up to the operation and I was convinced she was preparing me for her death.  I battled with myself and with God.  I was not sure what was going to happen.  I have never been so afraid to let a little life go into surgery.  This is where the book I mentioned in the beginning came into play.  I value her view of her world and her walk with God.

Last Tuesday night I prayed over her as I bathed her and dressed her and told her again of what was going to happen the next day to prepare for things that really scare her.  On Wednesday morning, I sat on the bed at the hospital with her, tuned into her, tuned into God and tuned into myself.  I was at peace, because I had got myself through the wrestling of the night before believing that God knew what was best for her.  My heart was broken, but I felt at peace.  I felt such incredible love for her… I kept giving her to God.  The doctor came around and she did not look too impressed with the case and was not sure she wanted to approve… here I was hoping for the first time that she wouldn’t approve it, because that would mean I would have my little princess in my care a little longer.  This doctor however decided she would be a cowboy!

As I laid this child on the operating table it was as if I was laying her down as a sacrifice.  I cannot explain it.  I gave her to God!  

Then it rose in me… a hope, a fight, a promise… I knew in that moment she was not going to die.  I spoke life over her, let the medical staff know I adored this kid and left the theater after she fell asleep knowing she was coming out.

I am not sure what the process was about and why it was so hard on me emotionally.  I am not sure yet what God was doing with me… but I am sure of this that this little girl life was under siege that day and God rescued her and He used me to raise up intercession for her.

It was only when I got home with her that I also realised she had been so brave, she had not cried once… she who had been so fearful of all things when she arrived went through the process of surgery without a tear or a tantrum.  She trusted her mama would stay and she trusted her mama that she was safe. 

This ordeal has taught me a new respect for process and for miracles.  We think miracles are instant… but sometimes the miracle is the process.  God cares more about her soul, her healing, her heart than her teeth (perhaps?)… he did a whole lot of soul work and emotional healing before the teeth could be taken out. 

Today she is strong, she is eating, she is not sad about her teeth, she is happy, she is proud of how brave she was.

She is a warrior!

… AND she trusts her mama!