Whose territory is it anyway?

I hope that if you are reading my blog you remember some of the references I mention… if not, ask!

I remember when the 'prayer of Jabez' trended a few years ago…

I also remember the words being preached in that season.  There was a lot of stuff going around about an increase of territory.  God was going to expand tent pegs and break down walls…

Well, for me that was the season I really thought that was what was happening for me.  Although still struggling to make ends meet financially for our organisations and even for the daily running of our home, I got to travel and travel a lot and it was a very exciting season.  I got to take the learning of Resilient Kids and try it out in all different places.  I got to meet amazing people and work with some of the nicest people of the world.  It was a few years of really solidifying some learning about resilience.

The other day Facebook reminded me of a day when I got to speak to 53 heads of organisations about a child care campaign we as Resilient Kids had been involved in rolling out in the country.  I thought at the time that my territory was increasing and that it was pretty awesome.  I really believed things were going to change for children in South Africa that year.

BUT…

On the home front and in the depths of my own little heart, I was not ok!.  My anxiety levels were high and the social anxiety I had struggled with as a teenager was screaming in my face.  I am a very authentic person and I struggle to wear a mask…

A very helpful ‘move-a-body friend’ gave me some books to read and introduced me to Brene Brown’s work.  It was exactly what I needed at the time.  Someone was writing about real issues I was facing…

I decided to live wholeheartedly and show up in my life.  I would be real.  I would share the whole story with someone.  I did, I shared the real me with my minister… and just a few short months later he died from malaria.

My territory, my work, my world would never be the same… or so I thought. 

I went into a season where being honest and living authentically was the most painful thing I had ever done.  However, it was in this season when I really met God not in my strength but in my weakness!  I gave Him my all… I gave up every plan.  I made a choice to wait on Him and seek Him first before I said yes to anything.

This led me to start studying again.  I thought it was so that I could finally get my Masters so what I would say would be relevant… but He used that season to do a miracle in my marriage, in my heart and in my family.  He used it to align us into His original call on our lives as a family… it still had everything to do with children at risk and… I am so grateful for the ministry of Samuel Kisten in this season. 

Last year on our anniversary Holger and I knew that we were standing on the brink of something new.  We did not know what, but we did know it was about us and our family…we thought it may be a move into Africa somewhere… we positioned ourselves in prayer and waiting.  What came was what felt like a threat to have everything we had dreamed about and hoped for taken from us.  I remember thinking last year that we have no “territory” left. 

However, a miracle had happened… the “territory” of my marriage and my family was at peace and shalom was in our lives like never before.  The new territory that God was giving us was not just for me… it was for us as a family.  The thing He was calling us into needed us to take it on as a family.

The “territory” He was giving us was a new home… a home to reach out and live out what we really believe.
 

So, why this blog about territory.  I am trying to convey what I learnt about territory… the first big lesson is that I got into a lot of trouble because I lived thinking it was about big influence, but big influence can only grow out of a deep relationship with God who gives His strategy and we take more responsibility for the life inside ourselves.  I needed to get that it was not just about what I did but who I was… God wants me to be empowered by His Spirit and be Christlike and not just resting on my gifts. I was not doing this thing of resting on my gifting deliberately and I would have told you at the time that I had given Christ my WHOLE heart… but I was deceived.

I have learnt that rest is the key… rest in God who is at work in my life, my family, my world and He has a good plan.  He shows me His plan and I show up to be hands and feet.  The territory some days feels daunting, scary and slightly too big, but I know I am not alone and He does the miracles.  The difference now for me is that I know that the territory and the tent peg movement is not just about where it is or how big the influence, but more about the increase of kingdom and even if that is simply in “Beloved’s” life today… if that is what my FATHER is asking of me for today, that I do that with the same energy as if I was trying to convince 53 organisations that Child Care Strategies are God’s heart.