Grief is an unpredictable beast

One of the worst things about this journey so far has been how unpredictable things can be.  I expected the girls to come to us before the end of February.  The process felt horribly slow and long… when they did come the timing was not ideal for us, especially considering I am training for a whole week just four short days after they moved in and then for the first time in a very long time for the whole long week.

We found out last week that one of our little girls beloved German carers from their care home wanted to come and visit us for the day today.  We welcomed the prospect with open arms… after all she is loved and she loves our girls.  We anticipated a fun day for all and that is exactly what happened.  I walked into a home full of hugs and wonderful tales of a fantastic day had by all.

Charlotte and I bathed all the kids and dressed them in their "jammies" and I read them a bedtime story… just the same as every other night since they moved in. 

Then Charlotte said goodnight and goodbye…

What followed was what I had not really predicted.  Floods of tears from the girls… understandable, right?  Then the oldest telling me she wants to go back…  she does not want to be here anymore!

My heart broke.  I felt rejected, sad and confused… we are giving them our best.  Then I remembered with every change there comes loss and grief… these little girls have given up a home where they knew beautiful girls from all around the world that played with them and gave them all the attention they needed.  Adjusting to home life and playing on their own and a more “normal” schedule is a new experience. We were so encouraged by Charlotte tonight and she sang the praises of how beautiful our home is and how happy she is to see them in a family that cares for them.

But tonight, as she celebrated all three of my girls grieved loud and with big tears for what they have lost… this set BELOVED off and soon all were crying!

I remained with them…  I sang, cried for them, acknowledged the pain, reflected the feelings… prayed and sang some more.  The ordeal went on for an hour… one by one they settled.  I could hold and comfort each one to stillness… I could reassure and acknowledge the pain of giving up something they love…  I cannot fix grief… but I can comfort it!

The children are sleep now comforted by teddy-bears and hopefully my words of comfort and prayer helped!

Tonight, was a hard night!