Grief is no walk in the park...
The death of my biological dad, the death of my boss and
then my eldest step sister in the space of three years was not simple. I wanted to make it simple because I know
stuff about grief! I wanted to do my
tasks well and get through my life and out of pain quickly and get back to the
normal way of doing things.
The trouble with a simple mathematical approach to grief is that it simply does not work
out like that… life has not been normal for a while now... I have not been normal
for a while...
With the death of the man
who made me, the man who gave me voice and space to find myself in ministry and
my step-sister whom I loved and whom my step dad used as a standard of
perfection to guide me to be a better person in my formative years… my
step dad died in 2008 and that grief was bad enough all by itself back then.
I teach about being kind to people who are grieving… it
makes up a large part of what I do in training as we work with people engaging
with the loss and change in their lives that get them stuck in lifestyles
patterns and pain. I work with pain most
days!
In the last week I have learned that I have become who I am
in the last little while as a direct result of the pain in my heart. My anxiety levels are as a direct result of
loss I have faced. I have worked so hard
to get well again by just pushing on… but I realised in the last week that it
was coming from the wrong place. You
cannot perform or drive yourself to get well… my trust levels so low are a
result of jolt I got from reality…I felt unsafe!
You see loosing someone you love is a big deal. Loosing someone who takes up a big part of
your heart is a big deal… grief is not a sign of weakness!
No, grief is not a sign of weakness at all; it is a sign that in my
life I HAVE LOVED!
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