A week ago, being the natural activist that I am and really wanting to raise awareness around autism and special needs, I decided to paint my fingernails blue. I am known to raise awareness for orphans and vulnerable children in the broad sense... I started this long before I even had my own children, this project however would bring people closer to my own struggle... and some other surprises along the way.
The first task was to convince Holger that we could spend money on what seems ridiculous to him on any other day... he does not like makeup or nail polish. The bigger task of convincing that still had to come was me being free enough to pull it off.
On the first day I walked into a friend who has known me for years and she responded delightfully and with such enthusiasm to me even wearing nail polish ... that, I had to wonder how bland and unpolished I really am? However, when I went on to tell her about why I was wearing it, she was engrossed and asked lots of questions and made some interesting comments that got me thinking... especially because it got quite personal quite quickly and it became about me and my children, my journey...
You see it is really awkward for me to talk about the special needs I have in my home, especially because they are not that apparent and now that the kids are older it is easier to pretend they are gone and live in a place of denial and hope. A denial and hope that feels shattered when something happens and you realise that your child diagnosed on the spectrum at 2 still really battles with certain things and other things get really big and hard some days. Denial and hope is challenged when you realise that some of this stuff is hard wired and the sooner we accept it and show ways to cope with it the better it will be for the family now and the future. We also have work to do with children as we allow them to find shame resilience in a world that expects all children to be great at all things.
The season of having a smoother ride and feeling like we were living with no special needs started just after Jessica was born and lasted almost 8 years. However new developmental stages for each of my children have taken us into a new family era and we have had to put structures and routines in place to support us. The transition to identify the need for this and bring the changes necessary to make life changes happen has been very difficult, but we are getting into the swing of things now.
I have 3 amazing children and I love getting to know them, live with them, work with them and parent them. This takes loads of wisdom and knowledge. I occasionally really mess up and the older they are getting this can seem more frequent. The stress is a bit too much for me some days. I have learnt lately though that honesty, friendship and asking for help allows me to feel held and safe. I am in new territory and I have not been here before...
I have worn blue nail polish for a week, I am still wearing it! It has been interesting to do this social experiment on my environment and myself. I have learnt so much. Walking at a level of vulnerability that makes me feel completely exposed...because people notice and ask about it. I have had amazing conversations this week with all kinds of people. The conversations led to deep places of empathy, need for advocacy and support for others too... I got into the struggles of others too, I am not alone.
... and it all started by wearing blue nail polish
The first task was to convince Holger that we could spend money on what seems ridiculous to him on any other day... he does not like makeup or nail polish. The bigger task of convincing that still had to come was me being free enough to pull it off.
On the first day I walked into a friend who has known me for years and she responded delightfully and with such enthusiasm to me even wearing nail polish ... that, I had to wonder how bland and unpolished I really am? However, when I went on to tell her about why I was wearing it, she was engrossed and asked lots of questions and made some interesting comments that got me thinking... especially because it got quite personal quite quickly and it became about me and my children, my journey...
You see it is really awkward for me to talk about the special needs I have in my home, especially because they are not that apparent and now that the kids are older it is easier to pretend they are gone and live in a place of denial and hope. A denial and hope that feels shattered when something happens and you realise that your child diagnosed on the spectrum at 2 still really battles with certain things and other things get really big and hard some days. Denial and hope is challenged when you realise that some of this stuff is hard wired and the sooner we accept it and show ways to cope with it the better it will be for the family now and the future. We also have work to do with children as we allow them to find shame resilience in a world that expects all children to be great at all things.
The season of having a smoother ride and feeling like we were living with no special needs started just after Jessica was born and lasted almost 8 years. However new developmental stages for each of my children have taken us into a new family era and we have had to put structures and routines in place to support us. The transition to identify the need for this and bring the changes necessary to make life changes happen has been very difficult, but we are getting into the swing of things now.
I have 3 amazing children and I love getting to know them, live with them, work with them and parent them. This takes loads of wisdom and knowledge. I occasionally really mess up and the older they are getting this can seem more frequent. The stress is a bit too much for me some days. I have learnt lately though that honesty, friendship and asking for help allows me to feel held and safe. I am in new territory and I have not been here before...
I have worn blue nail polish for a week, I am still wearing it! It has been interesting to do this social experiment on my environment and myself. I have learnt so much. Walking at a level of vulnerability that makes me feel completely exposed...because people notice and ask about it. I have had amazing conversations this week with all kinds of people. The conversations led to deep places of empathy, need for advocacy and support for others too... I got into the struggles of others too, I am not alone.
... and it all started by wearing blue nail polish
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