I woke up in a pit the other day. I was not sure why that day it seemed so dark, cold and lonely! The reality now is that I am not even sure how long I had already been there. As I got honest with myself and listened to my heart cry I realised that once again I had allowed the words and actions of people to really undo me. Words had again got in to hidden places and touched lies about me that I believed, but I thought I had dealt with long ago...
The shock for me was that I thought I had worked hard enough on getting myself out of a place of really caring about what people thought of me and was really wanting to live my life defined by worthiness simply because of who I belong to...
Problem is you see...
Here it comes...
I am sensitive. Some days I am SUPER SENSITIVE.
In my life this has often been what has made me strong and do what I do well. I read people, situations, training rooms and last year larger rooms of people and reached out to bring comfort, hope, correction, truth etc. I have used my life to reach out to the hurting places in the world. The flip side of this strength of sensitivity is that I have to live with an open heart and some people have the words, actions and power to flatten me?!
I will run for months, doing my thing, being me and living life and THEN something will happen... and I wake up in a pit.
I once again had to repent of my idolatry. Mine being “the opinion of men” not all men BUT some men. Man should not define me, his opinion can correct, shape, encourage, give feedback and guide, BUT it should not rule!
As I reflect I realise that I still have a need to know I am OK and there are a few people I need to hear it from. I realise I need action more than words… If I do not get anything for a long time and something happens or does not happen… I am left believing it means that I am not OK... crash! I hit a wall.
This should not be.
We sing a song in church, we sang it this past Sunday. I have sung it for a long time. One line stuck out like never before as we sang "Only YOU can bring me to my knees” in an instant, I was convicted... too many people have the power to bring me to my knees. I need to strengthen my knees and trust God who has faithfully led me this far in my life to bring me to my knees when I need it. For me this is daily I come and surrender and give my life to Him to use me as He wills.
I love people but I should not live by what they think... I need people and I will continue to walk as I do vulnerable and open. I will attempt to remain on this journey of trying to live wholeheartedly and not let the opinion of people put me back in the pit.
Trusting that HE will continue to bring me to my knees and soon He will be the only ONE who does...
The shock for me was that I thought I had worked hard enough on getting myself out of a place of really caring about what people thought of me and was really wanting to live my life defined by worthiness simply because of who I belong to...
Problem is you see...
Here it comes...
I am sensitive. Some days I am SUPER SENSITIVE.
In my life this has often been what has made me strong and do what I do well. I read people, situations, training rooms and last year larger rooms of people and reached out to bring comfort, hope, correction, truth etc. I have used my life to reach out to the hurting places in the world. The flip side of this strength of sensitivity is that I have to live with an open heart and some people have the words, actions and power to flatten me?!
I will run for months, doing my thing, being me and living life and THEN something will happen... and I wake up in a pit.
I once again had to repent of my idolatry. Mine being “the opinion of men” not all men BUT some men. Man should not define me, his opinion can correct, shape, encourage, give feedback and guide, BUT it should not rule!
As I reflect I realise that I still have a need to know I am OK and there are a few people I need to hear it from. I realise I need action more than words… If I do not get anything for a long time and something happens or does not happen… I am left believing it means that I am not OK... crash! I hit a wall.
This should not be.
We sing a song in church, we sang it this past Sunday. I have sung it for a long time. One line stuck out like never before as we sang "Only YOU can bring me to my knees” in an instant, I was convicted... too many people have the power to bring me to my knees. I need to strengthen my knees and trust God who has faithfully led me this far in my life to bring me to my knees when I need it. For me this is daily I come and surrender and give my life to Him to use me as He wills.
I love people but I should not live by what they think... I need people and I will continue to walk as I do vulnerable and open. I will attempt to remain on this journey of trying to live wholeheartedly and not let the opinion of people put me back in the pit.
Trusting that HE will continue to bring me to my knees and soon He will be the only ONE who does...
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