Healing of my heart...
I may have had a congenital heart condition since I was a child or the Doctors suspect it is from the fact that I had Rheumatic Fever... The first time I heard about it, I was 21 and I had the first sonar of my heart, I was told not to have children and given a few other parameters by which I should live. I asked children in my children's church class at the time to pray for me. I trusted for healing. This was all happening after Holger and I had decided to get married... we were not married yet.
The next time I had a specialist look at my heart, he told me I could marry and have children... I believed God had answered my little children's prayers in my Children's Church Class.
I am turning 40 in a few weeks. I have 3 beautiful children and a heart that is still serving me well. Every now and again over the years, doctors have been concerned and put me under a camera and studied my heart and every time, they have told me I have a beautiful heart, despite the fault. I know what I am supposed to do to look after my defect and what to avoid and...
In the last year, I have felt tightness of the muscles around my heart. I have battled with my energy levels. I have often asked Holger to pray for me... I realised that my heart physically hurts some-days However, I have been going through another process this year, a process where I have been looking at my heart, my being, my ME. I have been looking at why I do things and how I do things and... when I think about it now, it has been a difficult journey. It was all brought on by the death of my father in November last year.
With my biological dad's death a year ago and the reality of how I had seen my childhood came under question... I was left admitting that I had a broken heart. In this process this year as I have attempted to grieve well, I realised in this process that no man will be able to fix my heart... The pain in my heart happened way before I was old enough to give understanding, words or sense to it. I was just too young.
Yesterday as I came to end of this 'group' process, I said to my group... I know that man can not heal my heart. How can you get a thing healed that you can not even explain. I am done looking now. Only God can heal my heart... I have learnt to make peace that sorrow and joy are companions that I live with every day.
This morning in church there was a call for people to come... the one thing called out was for hearts...
I went for the healing of my whole heart. I know God can heal my WHOLE heart!
Oh Kay, I love you so. I will pray for you as well. I praise God that despite all we went through as children, we are closer than ever.
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