Most of my life, I have been searching for the comfortable space...
I wanted to wake up one day and have it all. My dreams fulfilled, my children perfect, my marriage an example and the work I do to be highly effective and... in other words "pain free"!
Last year I hit a wall and I stayed crumpled there for a while and that is when I realised that this is not how reality works. In fact life can be very unfair.
I remember feeling very disappointed when I was not understood... or worse yet, judged. I kept believing that at some point I would reach a place, that desired place where all would be well and I would know Shalom Peace in every aspect of my life.
In my second post on my blog, I wrote about how I had realised that I was really rich even in a time of great need. I realised that if anything I still have hope... pain free will one day be mine - in eternity.
I am called to restore and rebuild. I have sadly had images in my life of this call being something beautiful and easy. That beautiful image of a person as the oil of gladness washes over them and grace kisses them and they realise they have always been wanted, they are loved and they were created by a divine plan. This is the holy moment I live for! I have been very blessed in my life as I have got to see this moment for many different people as they make peace with themselves and God. When God the Father and a wayward son meet and eternity enters the heart.
Between these moments there are often times of wondering... as these moments have not been consistent, few and far between. A lot of the moments spent between encounters with other people's moments with God, I am at war...
In myself, a war often rages about who I am and the weakness I see in me and the perceived hope of who I would like to be. A war rages as I see my country and the state of child care, especially for the poor... a war rages as I see broken adults all around me who never got what they needed as children and now do damage to the next generation. A war rages as I see the injustice and corruption of leaders in our land who are meant to fight for the people but...
The only way to bring peace to this war in me is to continue in a walk of love... love that seeks justice. I know that God paid an incredible price for this and it is He who has called me to this. He has promised to make all things new...
I do not have to rage on the inside today. I find peace in Him and He leads me to still waters and gives my soul rest. He gives me life and uses me to give others life... I will continue to get strength from Him as I stand in the fact that I am His child, called by His name and in Him I get all I need to bring peace, shalom peace...even if a war rages.
I wanted to wake up one day and have it all. My dreams fulfilled, my children perfect, my marriage an example and the work I do to be highly effective and... in other words "pain free"!
Last year I hit a wall and I stayed crumpled there for a while and that is when I realised that this is not how reality works. In fact life can be very unfair.
I remember feeling very disappointed when I was not understood... or worse yet, judged. I kept believing that at some point I would reach a place, that desired place where all would be well and I would know Shalom Peace in every aspect of my life.
In my second post on my blog, I wrote about how I had realised that I was really rich even in a time of great need. I realised that if anything I still have hope... pain free will one day be mine - in eternity.
I am called to restore and rebuild. I have sadly had images in my life of this call being something beautiful and easy. That beautiful image of a person as the oil of gladness washes over them and grace kisses them and they realise they have always been wanted, they are loved and they were created by a divine plan. This is the holy moment I live for! I have been very blessed in my life as I have got to see this moment for many different people as they make peace with themselves and God. When God the Father and a wayward son meet and eternity enters the heart.
Between these moments there are often times of wondering... as these moments have not been consistent, few and far between. A lot of the moments spent between encounters with other people's moments with God, I am at war...
In myself, a war often rages about who I am and the weakness I see in me and the perceived hope of who I would like to be. A war rages as I see my country and the state of child care, especially for the poor... a war rages as I see broken adults all around me who never got what they needed as children and now do damage to the next generation. A war rages as I see the injustice and corruption of leaders in our land who are meant to fight for the people but...
The only way to bring peace to this war in me is to continue in a walk of love... love that seeks justice. I know that God paid an incredible price for this and it is He who has called me to this. He has promised to make all things new...
I do not have to rage on the inside today. I find peace in Him and He leads me to still waters and gives my soul rest. He gives me life and uses me to give others life... I will continue to get strength from Him as I stand in the fact that I am His child, called by His name and in Him I get all I need to bring peace, shalom peace...even if a war rages.
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