Destiny is not a destination...

Since I first left home at 18 and started on the journey to put together a hope and future, I had a feint idea of what it is I wanted to do with my life...  I headed off to missions training and felt the call.  I knew from early on in my twenties that this call had something to do with helping the orphan and the vulnerable child.

I have a number of stories in my life of how I have attempted to play this call out.  I have many experiences in many places of working with children who fit this category.  In each of these places, I had dreams of how the thing could grow and impact... and in each of those places I had thought this is home...this is where I belong...

I build a plan, I would make goals and study something...  something that would help me become more effective at fitting to the plan I had in my head.  Just as I had felt I got there... it was as if something went wrong and I had to move.  Yes, move... not just my plan but my entire location and in the later years I have stayed in one place but even the plans I had did not quite work out the way I had them envisioned in my head... ever.

I have studied teaching, then counselling, then facilitating groups of children, youth and adults and now coaching...  all as attempts to be better fit for the plan.  I had prayed and asked God to guide every step...

By 2010 all these things seemed to all of sudden be all I that I needed to do this thing I was called to.  I thought I had finally reached my destination, every thing I had been destined to do was about to happen.  All I had studied came together and made sense.  The partners I was with pulled the plug and with a sudden blow the project closed down.

So, what did I do...

I made another plan.  This time a business plan even accompanied it!  It was on my finger tips... I was nearly there.

You see, all the times I had tried to put this thing together till this point, I had thought I had reached my destination and had then in time failed... BUT finally now I had a plan that seemed to be proven and supported and... this was it!  BUT it did not work out like that...  again it failed... again I failed.

Failure is what I felt and as I looked at this feeling, I realised that I had felt it most of my life.  I had decided that the reason nothing had worked was because I am failure. I at this point told God that I give up, that I surrender it all... clearly through the cross and His incredible love this feeling was not from Him.  I gave HIM the working out the plan for my life AGAIN.  I told Him, I am not making any more plans... I am not trying to arrange another thing.  He had to make the plans and He had to lead me and if He wanted to use me, He could...

This has been an interesting year as I have embraced the journey to destination...  I know not where it leads. I have no plan.  I have a dream... it is a huge a dream.  I have no plan and how to do it.  I am on a journey and as I go on this journey God is opening doors and I am tasting the joy of being in the center of His Plan. Every next step is hidden in HIM.

On Friday I fly to Liberia... it is not the destination, but a part of the journey...